Rules, schmules…

We have gathered some of the most basic guidelines for wedding invitation etiquette, invitation wording and addressing, and timing.

Aside from making your design selections, there are a plethora of little rules to consider; and while some rules may be broken, they should never be ignored. Use the table of contents at right to quickly access each section.  It’s time to answer some of your most curious etiquette questions!

Table of Contents

Wedding Stationery Timing
General Dos and Don’ts
Save the Dates
How to Properly Address Invitations
Invitation Wording Options
Response Card Wording Options
Wedding Reading Ideas
Wedding Announcements
Event Attire / Dress Codes
All About Thank You Notes
How to Properly Indicate “No Kids”
Where to list your gift registry
What to Include on Wedding Programs

Wedding Stationery Timing

• Order Invites: 3 to 12 months before
• Send Save the Dates: 4-6 months before, or up to 1 year before if you have a popular date or destination wedding
• Send Invitations: 4-8 weeks before
• RSVP Deadline: no less than 2 weeks before, preferably about 30 days before
• Send Wedding Announcements: arrange to have sent the day after the wedding
• Send Thank You Cards: Ideally 1-2 weeks after, but at most within 3 months of receving the gift.  If you miss both of these dates, better late than never!

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General Do’s and Don’ts

• No periods at the end of a line
• Use proper given names; for example Anthony, not Tony, Cynthia not Cindy
• No abbreviations other than Mr., Mrs., Dr., and Jr.
• First letter of each line is not capitalized, unless it is a proper noun; for example Sunday, the fifth of October” is correct or “on Sunday, the fifth of October” is correct
• Dates and times are written out: half after five o’clock, two thousand and eleven
• The first word of the year is capitalized
• The “honour of your presence is requested” is traditionally used for church weddings only

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Save the Dates

Save the Dates are used as a preliminary invitation to your wedding. It’s especially important to send them when your wedding is scheduled for a holiday weekend, or if many of your guests will need to make travel arrangements to attend. In general, it is best to send them at least four months before your wedding date.  I personally love save the dates because I know how booked up my weekends can get, and it’s great to get advanced notice!

Save the dates are often less formal, and can be a great opportunity to maybe be a little more wild than you might be for your formal invite. Postcards are a great option, and mailing magnets can be really fun too!

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How to Properly Address Those invitations

Married

Married couples can be addressed in several ways, though always on the same line. If you have an outer and inner envelope, the full names go on the outside and a less formal version on the inner envelope. If invited, children under 18 should be listed from oldest to youngest on the second line, preferably on the inner envelope.  (Not using an inner envelope?  Just put it on the outer. ) Don’t forget that those over 18 should get their own invite. Also, if one of the spouses have a title, they should be listed first.

Want to address en español?

• Señor = Sr. (Mr.)
• Señora = Sra. (Mrs., use for a married or older woman)
• Señorita = Srta. (Miss or Ms.)
• Doctora = Dra. (Feminine Doctor)
• Doctor = Dr. (Masculine Doctor)

Married with same last name:

• Mr. and Mrs. Inigo Montoya (outer)
• Mr. and Mrs. Montoya (inner)
• Sr. y Sra. Inigo Montoya

Gay or lesbian with same last name:

• The Messrs. Elton and David John (outer)
  The Messrs. John (inner)
• The Mesdames Portia and Ellen Degeneres (outer)
  The Mesdames Degeneres (inner)
• Los Señores Elton y David John
• Las Señoras Portia y Ellen Degeneres

Married with different last names:

• Mr. Diego Rivera and Ms. Frida Kahlo
• Sr. Diego Rivera y Srta. Frida Kahlo

Married with children:

• Mr. and Mrs. Will Farrell
  Magnus and Matthias
• Mr. and Mrs. Will Farrell and Family
• Sr. y Sra. Will Farrell
  Magnus y Matthias
• Sr. y Sra. Will Farrell y la familia

Married with a title:

The person with the title is always listed first

• Dr. Francine Gideon and Mr. Howard Moon
• The Honorable Judge David Smith and Mrs. Elizabeth Smith
• Drs. Francine and Howard Moon
• Dra. Francine Gideon y Sr. Howard Moon

Not Married

For an unmarried couple, those living together, unmarried gay or lesbian couples, or any other type of long-term relationship, list each name in full on a separate lines, in alphabetical order.

• Mr. Richard Burton
  Ms. Elizabeth Taylor
• Sr. Richard Burton
  Srta. Elizabeth Taylor

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Invitation Wording Options

This section has become quite large, so please use the menu below for your convenience!

Everyone is hosting, informal
Both families hosting, informal
Both families hosting, semi-formal
Both families hosting, formal
Bride and groom hosting
Bride’s family hosting
Groom’s family hosting
Divorced parent(s) hosting
Divorced parent hosting with new spouse
Gay or lesbian parents hosting
Gay or lesbian commitment ceremony
Deceased parent(s)
Destination Weddings
Reception after a Private or Destination Wedding
Spanish Invitation Wording

Everyone is hosting, informal

• Together with their families, Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company as they celebrate their marriage, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their parents, Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company as they exchange vows, Date, Time, Location
• Join us in celebration as Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name are joined in marriage, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their parents, Bride and Groom invite you to share in their joy as they exchange marriage vows, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to join them in celebration they exchange vows, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to share in their joy as they tie the knot, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom would be delighted if you would join them for their wedding ceremony and celebration, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to share in their happiness at their wedding ceremony and celebration, Date, Time, Location

Both families hosting, informal

• Bride’s Mother’s Name and Bride’s Fathers Name and Groom’s Mother’s Name and Groom’s Father’s Name, invite you to share in their joy at the marriage of their children, Bride and Groom, Date, Time, Location

• Bride’s Mother’s Full Name and Bride’s Fathers Name and Groom’s Mother’s Name and Groom’s Father’s Name, request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children, Bride and Groom, Date, Time, Location

Both families hosting, semi-formal

• Together with their families, Bride and Groom request the honour of your presence as they celebrate their marriage, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their parents, Bride and Groom request the honour of your presence as they exchange vows, Date, Time, Location

Both families hosting, formal

• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children, Bride and Groom, Date, Time, Location
• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents are honored to invite you and your family to the marriage of their children, Bride and Groom, Date, Time, Location

Bride and Groom hosting

• Bride and Groom delightfully invite you to share in the celebration at their marriage, Date, Time, Location
• Bride and Groom invite you to share in their joy as they exchange marriage vows, Date, Time, Location
• Bride and Groom invite you to share in their happiness as they exchange marriage vows, Date, Time, Location

Brides family hosting

• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Bride’s Name to Groom’s Name, son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents, Date, Time, Location

Groom’s family hosting

• Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their son, Groom’s Name to Bride’s Name, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents…

Divorced Parent(s) hosting

• Mr. Bride’s Father and Ms.Bride’s Mother and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children, Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name…
• Mr. Bride’s Father and Mrs. Bride’s Mother and Mr. Groom’s Father and Ms. Groom’s Mother, request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children, Bride and Groom…
• Together with their parents, Bride and Groom, invite you to join them in celebration as they exchange vows, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom, request the honour of your presence as they exchange vows, Date, Time, Location

Divorced Parent hosting with new spouse

• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Father request the honour of your presence at the marriage of his daughter, Bride to Groom, Date, Time, Location

Gay or Lesbian Parents hosting

• The Messrs. Bride’s Parents invite you to share in their joy at the marriage of their daughter, Bride to Groom, Date, Time, Location
• The Mesdames Groom’s Parents request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their son, Groom to Bride, Date, Time, Location
• Mr. Bride’s Father and Mr. Significant Other invite you to share in their joy at the marriage of his daughter, Bride to Groom, Date, Time, Location
• Ms. Bride’s Mother and Ms. Significant Other invite you to share in their joy at the marriage of her daughter, Bride to Groom, Date, Time, Location
• Mr. Bride’s Father and Mr. Significant Other  and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents invite you to share in their joy at the marriage of their children, Bride to Groom, Date, Time, Location
• Ms. Bride’s Mother and Ms. Significant Other and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents request the honour of your presence at the marriage of her daughter, Bride to Groom, Date, Time, Location

Gay or Lesbian Commitment Ceremony

• Groom and Groom request the honour of your presence at their commitment ceremony, Date, Time, Location
• Bride and Bride invite you to share in their happiness as they exchange marriage vows in a commitment ceremony, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Groom and Groom request the pleasure of your company as they exchange vows, Date, Time, Location
• Join us in celebration as Bride and Bride exchange vows in a commitment ceremony, Date, Time, Location
• You’re invited to share in our joy as Groom and Groom exchange vows, Date, Time, Location

Deceased Parent(s)

• Mrs. Bride’s Mother requests the pleasure of your company at the marriage of her daughter, Bride to Groom, son of Mrs. Groom’s Mother and the late Mr. Groom’s Father, Date, Time, Location
• Mrs. Bride’s Mother and the late Mr. Bride’s Father and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents, request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children, Bride and Groom, Date, Time, Location

Destination Weddings

• Bride and Groom would be delighted if you would join them in their wedding ceremony and celebration, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to join them in a celebration of love, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to join them as they exchange vows, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to join them in Destination as they exchange wedding vows, Date, Time, Location
• Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to join them in Destination as they tie the knot, Date, Time, Location
• Join us in Destination, as Bride and Groom exchange marriage vows, Date, Time, Location

Reception after a Private or Destination Wedding Ceremony

• Join us in celebrating the marriage of Bride and Groom with a reception marking the return from their wedding ceremony, Date, Time, Location
• Bride and Groom will be married in a private wedding ceremony on Saturday, the fourth of October two thousand fourteen, please celebrate with us at our reception following the ceremony, Date, Time, Location
• Bride and Groom will begin their lives together on Wedding Date at Venue in Destination.  Please join us in a celebration to honor their marriage, Date, Time, Location
• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents invite you to join them for a dinner honoring the new Mr. and Mrs. Groom and Bride, Date, Time, Location
• Bride and Groom shall be united in marriage on Date in Location.  Please join us for a reception in their honour on Date at Time, Location
• Bride and Groom will be joined in marriage, Date, during a private ceremony at Location. Please join us for a celebration when they return as husband and wife, Date, Time, Location.
• Bride and Groom will tie the knot, on Date in Location. Please join us for a celebration when they return as husband and wife, Date, Time, Location.

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Response Card Wording Options

The response card needs to contain the following parts: the request for a reply, a space for the names of the guests, and options for them to indicate if the will or will not be attending.  In addition to this, you may also need to have them select a meal preference.  Here we have gathered all the great options we have come across for each section of the response card.  (More added as we find them!)

Response Card Request Wording

For the top part of the response card, you basically need to tell them when you want them to respond.

• The favor of a reply is requested by (Date)
• The favour of a response is requested by (Date)
• Kindly reply by (Date)
• Please reply by (Date)
• We can’t wait to hear from you!  Please reply by (Date)
• We look forward to celebrating with you.  Let us know if you can make it by (Date)
• Ready to celebrate?  Let us know by (Date)
• We can’t wait to celebrate with you.  Can you make it?  Let us know by (Date)
• Can I get a witness?  Let us know by (Date)

Formal Response Card Reply Wording

Having a very formal wedding?  Here are some response card reply wordings that will make your mom happy.

• _____ Will attend _____ Will not attend
• _____ Accepts with pleasure _____ Regretfully declines
• _____ Accepts with happiness _____ Declines, with regrets
• _____ Accepts _____ Regrets
• _____ Accepts _____ Declines
• _____ Will attend _____ Not able to attend
• _____ Shall attend _____ Shall not attend

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Wedding Reading Ideas

Currently we simply have a big post in our blog with sweet and offbeat wedding reading ideas, though we may create an entire page for it in the future.  Until then, check it out directly at this link here.

Wedding Announcements

Wedding announcements aren’t necessary. However, if you’re having a small wedding, or have long-distance family or friends that can’t make it, an announcement can be the perfect way to let them know you’ve tied the knot!

BRIDE’S PARENTS ANNOUNCING

• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter, Bride’s Name, to Groom’s Name, Date, Location
• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents are honored to announce the marriage of their daughter, Bride’s Name, to Groom’s Name, Date, Location
• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents joyfully announce the marriage of their daughter, Bride’s Name, to Groom’s Name, Date, Location

GROOM’s PARENTS ANNOUNCING

• Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents are pleased to announce the marriage of their son, Groom’s Name, to Bride’s Name, Date, Location
• Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents are honored to announce the marriage of their son, Groom’s Name, to Bride’s Name, Date, Location
• Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents joyfully announce the marriage of their son, Groom’s Name, to Bride’s Name, Date, Location

BOTH PARENTS ANNOUNCING

• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents are joyfully announce the union of Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name, Date, Location
• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents are pleased to announce the union of Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name, Date, Location
• Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents are honored to announce the marriage of Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name, Date, Location

BRIDE AND GROOM ANNOUNCING

• Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name are pleased to announce their marriage, Date, Location
• Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name joyfully announce their marriage, Date, Location
• We tied the knot! Bride’s First Name and Groom’s First Name are now Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Last Name. We exchanged vows Date, at Location.
• We’re hitched! Bride’s First Name and Groom’s Full Name, married Date at Location.

SIMPLY ANNOUNCING

• Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name, married Date, Location

DESTINATON WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT WITH LOCAL RECEPTION

• Bride’s Name and Groom’s Name are pleased to announce their marriage, Date, during a private ceremony at Location. Please join us for a celebration when we return as husband and wife, Date, Time, Location.

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Event Attire / Dress Codes

What’s required of a black tie event? What exactly does semi-formal mean? Check out our definitions of dress codes. They are listed below in order from most formal to most casual. If no dress attire is listing on an invitation, look to the formality of the invitation itself or the venue for the event for clues. When in doubt, call the bride/groom or host. However, as my mom always says, it’s always better to be over-dressed than under-dressed!

Source: the Emily Post Institute

White Tie (Ultra formal)

• Requires men to wear full dress: black tailcoat, matching trousers with a single stripe of satin (US), white piqué wing-collared shirt with stiff front, white vest, white bow tie, white or gray gloves, black patent shoes and black dress socks.
• Women are required to wear formal, floor-length, evening gowns.

Black Tie (formal)

• Men wear black tuxedo jackets with matching trousers, formal (piqué or pleated front) white shirt, black bow tie (silk, shiny satin or twill), vest or cummerbund matching tie, black patent shoes and black dress socks, no gloves. In summer or on a cruise: white dinner jacket, black tuxedo trousers plus other black tie wardrobe.
• Women wear cocktail, long dresses or dressy evening separates. Accessories are fancier and a purse if carried should be in the form of a clutch handbag or small shoulder strap bag. For shoes, something elegant in a heel.

Black Tie Optional

• Gives men the option of wearing a tuxedo (see black tie above), but with the implied formality, a dark suit and tie would be the other option.
• Women should wear cocktail, long dresses or dressy evening separates.

Creative Black Tie

• Men wear a tuxedo combined with trendy or whimsical items, such as a black shirt and/or a matching colored or patterned bow tie and cummerbund.
• Women wear formal (floor length) evening gowns, short, dressy cocktail dress, or dressy separates, and may accessorize with items such as a feather boa, a fascinator, a colorful shawl or colorful jewelry.
• Sometimes, theme parties set “Texas Black Tie” dress code or any other variation of Creative Black Tie. Then a man can wear a tuxedo with boots, and woman can choose a long dress paired with Southwestern style jewelry and belt.

Semi-Formal (Informal)

• Semi-Formal is also known as Informal, but we think that is way too confusing to use. Officially, tuxedos are not required, nor are long dresses. An evening wedding (after 6pm) still indicates a dark suit and tie for men with (optional) matching vest, white shirt, conservative tie, and dressy leather shoes and dark dress socks.
• Women may wear short afternoon or cocktail dress, or long dressy skirt and top.

Scottish Dress

• Scottish dress is suitable for formal or semi-formal events, and is common in Scotland. However, you should be sure to have a claim upon a tartan before wearing it, or else it is nothing more than a costume. Scottish dress consists of a black jacket (Prince Charlie, Montrose, Sheriffmuir, Argyll), black waistcoat, kilt or trews (a form of hightop trouser without side seams, and cut on the cross-grain), winged dress shirt (see above), black bow tie, kilt hose, black Ghillie brogues, flashes and sporran.

Cocktail Attire

• Cocktail dress code is often comparable to semi-formal attire; however, there are differences. For men, semi-formal attire is a suit or jacket, often with a vest, and a tie. Cocktail attire for men consists of a jacket with or without a tie, and slacks. The cut of cocktail attire for men is often more fashion-forward, and with bolder colors and patterns than semi-formal attire.
• Cocktail attire for women calls for knee length or shorter dresses, with more body-conscious fitting than with semi-formal dresses. Accessories, women’s hairstyles and jewelry for cocktail dress are typically more flashy and distinctive than for other types of dress-up attire.

Beach Casual

• Men wear khakis or shorts (cargo or Bermuda), a knit or polo shirt, no tie, and optional sport jackets.
• Women wear a sundress, khakis or shorts (cargo or Bermuda), open-collar, knit or polo shirt, with an optional lightweight jacket, cardigan or wrap.

Casual

• Anything goes! Jeans, t-shirts, flip-flops…whatever!

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All About Thank You Notes

WHO NEEDS A NOTE?

From the Emily Post Institute

• Anyone who gives you an engagement, shower or wedding gift, even if you have thanked them in person. Individual notes should be written to people who contributed to a group gift.
• Anyone who gives a gift of money: cash, checks, contributions to savings accounts and donations to charities. Mentioning the amount is optional, but it does let the person know the correct amount was received. You should mention what you plan to do with the money.
• Your attendants. A warm personal note attached to your gifts to your attendants will let them know how much you appreciate their efforts and support on your behalf.
• Anyone who hosted a party or shower for you. Ideally these notes should be written within two days of the event. Each host or hostess should be thanked individually with a note and a thank you gift.
• People who house or entertain your wedding guests. A note and a small gift should be sent to anyone who houses or entertains out-of-town wedding guests.
• People who do kindnesses for you. The neighbor who accepts delivery of your gifts when you are at work; the cousin who supervises the parking at the reception – anyone who assists you before, during or after your wedding.
• Suppliers and vendors. You don’t have to write everyone you hire for services, but anyone who exceeds your expectations will appreciate a courteous note of thanks.
• Your parents or whoever is hosting your wedding.

WHAT TO WRITE

First of all, thank you notes should be personally handwritten by you.  Don’t use cards with printed messages in lieu of a personal note, and the same goes for sending thanks online.  It might be a nice gesture, but it isn’t an equal substitute.

Be sure to personalize each thank you note by making reference to the person and the gift you have received.  Be enthusiastic about the gift and mention how you may use it in the future.  If you don’t like the gift, whatever you do, don’t mention that you are dissatisfied in any way.  Thank the person for their thoughtfulness.  If the gift is of money, it’s optional whether you want to mention the exact amount, but do mention how you intend to use it.

WHEN

It’s best to aim for getting the thank you notes out within a couple weeks of your wedding.  At the latest, try to have everything complete within 3 months of receiving the gifts.  The best thing you can do is split the writing duties up between the new Mr. and Mrs. and set a daily goal of how many to get done.  It’s much easier – and less stressful – to do 4 or 5 a day, rather than trying to complete everything all at once.  Whatever you do, don’t put the idea of including photos from the wedding delay you from sending the invites out.  It’s more important to be timely in your thanks.  You can always include the photos with your Christmas (or other holiday) cards.

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How to properly indicate a “no kids” reception

According to our research on the topic, it’s still considered poor etiquette to put “no children” or “adults only” on an invitation.  The proper way to indicate who is invited is by how you address it.  (See How to Properly Address Those Invitations.) Of course, this is often ignored by people, so the polite way to get the message across is to make sure your wedding party and family know about it, and let them spread the word if necessary.  Your response cards should indicate how many people will be attending per invite.  If you get RSVPs back indicating too many, you can call the people personally to let them know.

However, if you really want to make sure you get the message across and don’t care about breaking this rule, I think the best route is to put the reception information on a separate reception / details card.  The first sentence would read, “Adult reception to begin at Time, Location…”  You could also add “Adult Reception” discreetly at the bottom of the response card.  Whatever you do, don’t simply write “No Kids” or you will probably offend most everyone. : )

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Where to indicate your gift registry.

According to the Emily Post Institute – which is where I get all my etiquette questions answered:

It’s never okay to include registry information on or with any invitation to the wedding or reception, or with any announcement. Why? Because the emphasis shifts from “we want you to be with us on our special day” to “you need to buy us a gift and here’s what we want.”

Of course, everyone wants to know where you’re registered for your wedding… so where to get the message across without seeming tacky?   The Emily Post Institute suggests word of mouth.  Tell your family and attendants and they can spread the word.  Also, customarily your registry is indicated on the invitations for your bridal or wedding shower.  This is acceptable because it is being organized by your family and friends with the intention of showering you with gifts. Another good way to handle this is to just have the info on your wedding website, but don’t make it too prominent or that may turn people off as well.  Remember, guests are not required to buy you presents, or to buy them strictly from your registry.

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What to include on the wedding programs?

It’s really up to you what you want to include (and how much space is available on your program format!).  But at the most basic, it’s good to include the following:

• The names of the bride and groom, plus the wedding date, time and location
• An outline of the ceremony schedule detailing the music selections, readings and who’s reading them
• A list of the wedding party, including everyone involved in the ceremony, such as the parents of the bride and groom, the officiant, the maid/matron of honor, the best man, bridesmaids and groomsmen and ushers
• Special thanks to your guests for sharing this special day with you!

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